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Archives for September 2005

Gas…like…ass

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Gas rhymes with ass and that is how I felt as I poured $3.19 down that little tube in my truck as every gallon seeped from the tank beneath my feet.

$50.00 and change. A 16 gallon tank. Too much. I spent about $225 on gas in August. This is ridiculous. So much so, that I may have to forfeit driving as much as I do. I may have to sacrifice fellowship with people that live 10 or more miles away. I may have to never see a movie further than the Pavillions. I may have to quit seeing movies altogether for a while.

My truck gets 17 miles/gal at a cost of 18.7 cents per mile. It costs me $1.00 to drive 5.8 miles. My friends are further away than this. With a factor of 2 (there and back) just to drive to church, I spend $7.50. If I want to visit the Koziczkowski’s, 35 miles from me, it’s $14.00 round trip. Go to dinner with them too? Now I’ve spent $30.00. If that happens 4 times/month i’m spending $120.00/month on just that. On average, I drive about 100 miles/month based on the number of tanks I’ve paid for in the past months.

So, I’ve been thinking about moving from my truck, to a scooter. A scooter gets 70 – 100 miles to the gallon. That’s roughly $3.00-5.00/month in gas. If I’m spending $200.00/month as it is, I could save (I’ll estimate) probably $150.00/month if I switch from my truck to a scooter only. Of course, that’s not 100% practical since I still need to haul my gear to church. If a scooter costs $2499.00 new, it would pay for itself in 16 months. If I go with one that has less power, it would cost about $1700.00 new and would pay for itself in 11 months. Either way, I will be spending this money over the next 16 months, whether it be on gas for my truck, or another form of transportation. The ultimate goal is to reduce my monthly expense and to reduce it as quickly as possible.

I could just ride my bike I suppose?!

Okay, I’ll bite. My 31 Confessions…

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1. I am a Christian.
2. When I eat nutty bars, I eat them one layer at a time.
3. I like amber beers mostly.
4. Panda Express is my nutritional weakness in life. Orange Chicken rules.
5. I am an Arizona native.
6. Regardless of my spritiual condition, I do have a racist bone in my body, but I’d like to say, like most, that I don’t. I don’t like that I do though.
7. I’m very hairy, so I shave most of it off.
8. I’m a terribly nervous pianist.
9. When I read, if ever, it’s usually a help file or a text book.
10. I’d prefer to know how to do something rather than know the history of it.
11. I battle gingivitus.
12. I bite my fingernails when I get nervous.
13. I can’t maintain callouses on my fingers from playing the guitar. I like to rip them off, cause they drive me mad.
14. Touch is very important to me. Callouses prevent that.
15. I have a hard time asking for what I want in life.
16. I don’t believe I can meet my own standards for attraction.
17. My life has been a never-ending struggle with weight loss.
18. My dream job: being in the spotlight.
19. My left knee tingles when I use a certian elliptical model.
20. Boobs are more imporant to me than they should be.
21. I love women.
22. I’m very sensitive, and I can listen well.
23. I too am left-handed.
24. I have probably farted next to you without you knowing.
25. Movie quotes slip my mind. I suck at that game.
26. I can memorize hour-long pieces of chorale music like Gabriel Fauré’s Requiem.
27. I’m terrified of popsicles.
28. Bananas used to make my lips itch.
29. 80’s music rules.
30. I watch far too many movies.
31. I’m really a lesbian in a man’s body.

Women who love abusive men…

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I recently met a young woman to whom I have made a rather comfortably friendly connection. It is the very first stage of a relationship. It is the point at which, in the past, I would have not thought about in depth. Rather, I would have blindly pursued it not caring what I was getting myself into. I have surpassed the point of making small talk and have taken the next step to attempt to get to know her better. I have “stepped up to the plate,” as they say.

I always want to make sure that a woman feels safe when I communicate with her. Sometimes I fail, but I think I’m doing the right thing here.

It’s quite amazing what one can pickup by reading the reaction to a simple invitation for casual conversation and a meal or a drink. In the short 60 seconds that it took me to maneuver the topic from business to pleasure, I was able to determine that she is in an abusive relationship with a jackass of a guy. How do I know. She basically told me. She didn’t say, “hey, there might be a problem with me and you having a drink together cause I’m in an abusive relationship and I can’t get out.” What she did say is that “my boyfriend doesn’t like to go out much, so I don’t think I can go.” Then she said, “he doesn’t like me hanging out with my friends. Friends are a problem for him.” And then she said, “but he’s going out of town for a week,” and her eyes lit up, and she got all excited, then proclaimed, “so I’ll be free, finally.”

Ugh. I hate this. This is probably the one intolerable condition that women end up in as a result of a man’s abusive nature. I want nothing more than to show the world of women who fall into this that there are real men in the world. Why do I hate this condition? Because I used to be one of those guys. What type of guy am I talking about? Here are some testimonies of people who have written about what they think abusive men are:

Abusive men always think there is a motive behind a womans actions and her words .They see her as only trying to maniupulate.. They never see goodness in them.. They distrust and are irriated by them.. They might feel they love these women but they don’t like them.. The most important thing in any realtionship is to be liked and respected. Even when the women are in a good mood it irritates them.. They want to show her up, put her down. make her feel inferior in evrything.. Then when they have her upset it makes them angry that she’s weak.. Yet the object is to tear her down.. It’s a double edged sword..a no win situation.. The woman spends years trying to prove she’s not bad.. But it’s futile.. He either knows it and doesn’t care or doesn’t and she’ll never prove it anyway.

They train women to ‘think’ for them, making them submissive and without any identity. She is expected to anticipate his every desire or expectation and to make his existence the focus of her life. They are treated as sex slaves, (taking away her femininity), only to leave her feeling besmirched and ridiculed. The motive behind all this,is to make him feel powerful. He lacks the integrity and dignity to be a real man.

I hate that beautiful women have been seduced into believing that they are responsible for the failures of the men in their lives. This woman that I have met is very attractive, and she appears to be extremely sweet, and probably a whole lot of fun to be around. I hope I have the opportunity to display as close to what man should be as I can to her, if simply for the sake of passing on a good example, whatever comes of it. My deepest desire is to know that she is a Christian and that she is worth more than she knows.

Perhaps I will have an opportunity to connect her with one of the ladies at NVC.

Anyway, I’m not going to give up. I will have that drink with her.