In the midst of one of the most difficult “through-points” that I have ever experienced (that time in your life when God smashes you through something and doesn’t let you go around it) the inspiration found in a video such as this one I’ve re posted here should touch you deeply. To think that we complain about some of the things we do…well, just watch and be inspired:
Archives for April 2009
Snippets of Song: Ready to Sleep
I know that I will probably not be able to keep this up on a daily basis, but I’ve managed to fire off another musical idea. Enjoy listening.
Snippets of Song: Origination
Empty the Bag, or Fill the Bowl
Standing at the edge of the island in the middle of her kitchen, I was looking for something to do. I had just chopped 3 onions while a playful young man scooted a bowl around the edge of the circular table while sputtering car noises as though his bowl had an engine of its own. Holding a large, sharp slicing blade, I felt nervous about his speed as he approached over and over again, getting closer to the chopping block ever time. He was diverted by his mother, and soon after that needed discipline for disobedience. She asked me what I thought about little boys who utter defiance at their parents. I was thinking that we should just add him to the chili, cause he’s so delicious, but that’s not what I said. I said that I don’t like it when people yell at me.
Uncle intervened, via telephone.
When she offered me a bag of cheese, she asked me if I would like to put the cheese in the bowl. I responded, “do you want me to empty the bag, or fill the bowl.”
[record scratching sound goes here]
Her response answered my question, but the way she hesitated before offering the answer confused me. Why was that such a difficult question to answer? It took me a good minute to realize that the question I had asked made absolutely no sense. It didn’t make sense to her, and it didn’t make sense to me. But, she was able to answer it regardless.
In the moment, I had no idea what I was trying to say, and then about five minutes after the fact, I figured it out. You see, there was plenty of cheese in the bag, but I didn’t connect that fact right away. My logic was thinking two things. a) either there’s not enough cheese in the bag to fill one bowl, or b) there’s enough cheese in the bag that I would need another bowl. It wasn’t exactly clear to me that there was enough cheese to actually fill the bowl which means that if the assignment was to “fill the bowl” and there wasn’t enough, then I would need to search for more cheese, and if the assignment was to “empty the bag” then it would either not matter if the bowl was full, or I would have to search for another bowl to handle the overflow.
The reason I didn’t know how much cheese was required was directly tied to the lack of experience and knowledge. It may sound like a silly thing, but these little experiences are very important for me. They build confidence, and when I know how to do something, I have more confidence. That’s nothing new for you either, I suppose.
I was helping Susan with Crème brûlée last Christmas for a party at Mike’s house, and when I offered to help, aside from forgetting that I have no idea how to make Crème brûlée, I was given the task of pouring hot milk into a mixer with eggs. I had never done that before, and I really didn’t know why I was supposed to pour it in so slowly. “Am I supposed to do it like this?” I said. “Slower,” she replied…”don’t go so fast,” she assumed I knew why. I didn’t. Now I do. It’s like the first time you learn why you aren’t supposed to pour a cold glass of water into a glass that just came out of the dishwasher.
This thought process of analyzing the bag of cheese and the bowl is an example of a very taxing exercise that my mind goes through in the moment. I think out loud. This becomes a bit of a double edged sword, because it can confuse people who don’t understand how to communicate with me and make them impatient or if I don’t think out loud, I may come across as someone who is non-responsive.
Either way, not understanding how to do something is far greater a challenge than unerstanding that something needs to be done.
I have believed that I have to experience it before I understand it. I am wrong.
Could this pose some pretty serious problems? I think so. If I were to wait around to experience everything I’m not an expert at I would be waiting for ever. Pudding-proof: I’m not married because I thought I had to figure out marriage before doing it. The consequences of pouring the hot milk into the eggs too fast is cooked egg whites. The consequence of getting married before I’m an expert at it is a broken heart.
The committment issues that I face, as cliche as they may sound coming out of any woman’s mouth, had to do with fear of not achieving perfection prior to experience. Just pour the cheese, Jon, and don’t ask questions. If the bowl is too big, the bag will be empty. If the bag is too big, then stop pouring when the bowl is full. It’s that simple.
Eyegazing: Overcoming Feelings of Insecurity
The exercise of locking eye to eye with a complete stranger, intentionally, and holding until they break away, is one of those activities that will help you gain self confidence as you are introduced to the shockingly ignored concept that everyone else is just as insecure as you are. As you do this, you will find that your self confidence will immediately receive a boost of energy.
Timothy Ferris in The Four Hour Work Week, Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, And Join the New Rich, talks about this as one of those critical exercises that will help you build self confidence and move you closer to greater success in the pursuit of your Entrepreneurship.
Sitting in Hava Java today, as people meander through, I have taken a few opportunities to lock eyes with people as they walk in. Most people are immediate in how quickly they divert their gaze somewhere else, for who knows what reason. Perhaps they don’t like looking at me, perhaps they’re insecure about being looked at, or perhaps they are just in their own world and don’t notice. A large percentage of the people walking in have sunglasses on, so it makes the exercise impossible, but for those who come in sporting shiny, exposed, eyes, little do they know the trap that I have set.
I’ll have to admit, it’s extremely difficult to fight the temptation to look away first, but so rewarding when you conquer the fear. Don’t try doing it with the same person twice, unless you intend to start up a conversation, which wouldn’t be that bad anyway would it? And, if someone feels uncomfortable enough the first go-around to approach you and ask you what your problem is, as Ferris states, just tell them “I’m sorry, I thought you were an old friend of mine.”
My recent encounter was with a woman who walked in. I locked on to her eyes and held. It was difficult, but I did it, and she looked away. It was at this point that I continued to hold the look. What happened next was completely unexpected. She looked again, and then I could really tell she was nervous. I could also tell that she understood that I had established the upper hand in the exchange and I was the initiator, which boosted my confidence and gave me options.
I will continue to exercise this, and I would recommend that you give it a shot too! It’s a great feeling to overcome insecurity when you realize you’re not the only one who feels insecure.
Seeing Balance in Your Life
There seems to be a natural balance to the universe that cannot be averted. Although we spend many days of our lives wondering why we don’t have balance, the truth of the matter is, we do have balance, but we also have motion. A see saw with two 50 lb children on either end is balanced, but it may not be level. In fact, it may be moving up and down and up and down. Given time they will slow to a stop and all motion will cease. When one person on one end of the see saw pushes, what they’re doing is upsetting the balance by removing some of their weight just long enough for the other person’s potential energy to kick in and start moving downward. As soon as the person on the down-side can no longer reach the ground and their full weight is restored to the see saw, then they are once again balanced, albeit in motion.
Our lives are constantly in motion, and one thing that I’ve noticed is that when we manipulate the scale of balance in our lives, whether emotionally, financially, or spiritually, the natural opposing forces will eventually cancel out our attempts and we’ll be returned to balance.
In the case of money, I experienced this first hand, today, as a result of a “push” on the see saw of my finances which happened last August. I had forgotten about this single event, and the scale that was manipulated has finally come back to balance. You see, I had borrowed money from myself, and had forgotten about it.
There is a consequence to every action we have which points to the fulcrum of the scale of balance in our lives. If you borrow money from yourself, you will have to pay it back. If you go up a staircase, you will have to come down. You get the picture…I hope.