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Eyegazing: Overcoming Feelings of Insecurity

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The exercise of locking eye to eye with a complete stranger, intentionally, and holding until they break away, is one of those activities that will help you gain self confidence as you are introduced to the shockingly ignored concept that everyone else is just as insecure as you are.  As you do this, you will find that your self confidence will immediately receive a boost of energy.

Timothy Ferris in The Four Hour Work Week, Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, And Join the New Rich, talks about this as one of those critical exercises that will help you build self confidence and move you closer to greater success in the pursuit of your Entrepreneurship.

Sitting in Hava Java today, as people meander through, I have taken a few opportunities to lock eyes with people as they walk in.  Most people are immediate in how quickly they divert their gaze somewhere else, for who knows what reason.  Perhaps they don’t like looking at me, perhaps they’re insecure about being looked at, or perhaps they are just in their own world and don’t notice.  A large percentage of the people walking in have sunglasses on, so it makes the exercise impossible, but for those who come in sporting shiny, exposed, eyes, little do they know the trap that I have set.

I’ll have to admit, it’s extremely difficult to fight the temptation to look away first, but so rewarding when you conquer the fear.  Don’t try doing it with the same person twice, unless you intend to start up a conversation, which wouldn’t be that bad anyway would it?  And, if someone feels uncomfortable enough the first go-around to approach you and ask you what your problem is, as Ferris states, just tell them “I’m sorry, I thought you were an old friend of mine.”

My recent encounter was with a woman who walked in.  I locked on to her eyes and held.  It was difficult, but I did it, and she looked away.  It was at this point that I continued to hold the look.  What happened next was completely unexpected.  She looked again, and then I could really tell she was nervous.  I could also tell that she understood that I had established the upper hand in the exchange and I was the initiator, which boosted my confidence and gave me options.

I will continue to exercise this, and I would recommend that you give it a shot too!  It’s a great feeling to overcome insecurity when you realize you’re not the only one who feels insecure.

Seeing Balance in Your Life

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There seems to be a natural balance to the universe that cannot be averted.  Although we spend many days of our lives wondering why we don’t have balance, the truth of the matter is, we do have balance, but we also have motion.  A see saw with two 50 lb children on either end is balanced, but it may not be level.  In fact, it may be moving up and down and up and down.  Given time they will slow to a stop and all motion will cease.  When one person on one end of the see saw pushes, what they’re doing is upsetting the balance by removing some of their weight just long enough for the other person’s potential energy to kick in and start moving downward.  As soon as the person on the down-side can no longer reach the ground and their full weight is restored to the see saw, then they are once again balanced, albeit in motion.

Our lives are constantly in motion, and one thing that I’ve noticed is that when we manipulate the scale of balance in our lives, whether emotionally, financially, or spiritually, the natural opposing forces will eventually cancel out our attempts and we’ll be returned to balance.

In the case of money, I experienced this first hand, today, as a result of a “push” on the see saw of my finances which happened last August.  I had forgotten about this single event, and the scale that was manipulated has finally come back to balance.  You see, I had borrowed money from myself, and had forgotten about it.

There is a consequence to every action we have which points to the fulcrum of the scale of balance in our lives.  If you borrow money from yourself, you will have to pay it back.  If you go up a staircase, you will have to come down.  You get the picture…I hope.

Eighteen Thousand Dollars to See a Movie?

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Yes, believe it or not, in order for you and your spouse to see a movie and have a soda every week, it will cost you $18,200.00.  Keep reading, and you’ll see how.

How you look at life does not determine whether or not something is wrong or right.  Although, when I consider financial matters, since money and math are synonymous with each other, and math doesn’t lie, the application of a “philosophy” to the way you manage your money doesn’t make sense to me.  I think that any philosophy that gets creative in the spirit of proving math wrong is a flawed philosophy.

One plus one is two.  That’s it.  Just two.  Math doesn’t lie.

Sometimes I like to look at things on a micro scale in order to grab hold of the big picture.  In fact, since I’m surrounded by my world and not outside of it, looking at the big picture sometimes requires an extrapolation of the micro details.

Take the concept of financial security.  In line with everything that I have ever thought, but never applied until recently, financial security means you can cover all of your living expenses using the investment income from the money you have saved.  Financial security does not mean you make enough money every year, because “enough” is relative to how much you are able to live on.  So, enough doesn’t mean anything.  It doesn’t mean that you have $100,000 or $200,000 or $1,000,000 in the bank, although that would be helpful, of course.

Financial security means you can successfully live, all expenses paid (remember, expenses being relative) on 8% of your nest egg (thanks Dave Ramsey.)  By the way, I dont consider Dave Ramsey to be another one of those financial gurus that has a “philosophy.”  I consider him down to earth, mathematically conscious, and full of uncommon sense.  Some of you might say, “old school.”  As far as I can tell, math hasn’t changed over time even though we try to make it change.

So what does living on 8% of your nest egg mean?  It means after you invest your savings in various investment vehicles, predominantly growth stock mutual funds, some of which have a proven long term performance record of around 12% annually, and you adjust for the average 4% annual inflation rate, you end up with somewhere around 8% on the average.  This is a long term plan.  There is no get rich quick without massive risk.

If you live your financial life applying basic formulas to how you manage money, it doesn’t matter whether you have a million dollars or a thousand dollars.  8% is 8% and if you can live off of 8% then you’re doing what you need to do to be financially secure.  Can someone live off of 8% of $1000.00?  Not likely.  That’s only $80.00/year.  So there is a level of realism that you need to incorporate.  But who knows, a majority of the world lives on less than a dollar a day.

On a micro scale, if you apply this nest egg rule to your money before you spend it, you can figure out how much you need to put away so you can continue your habits without needing to work.  What do you mean?  Let’s go uber micro.  Let’s say you and your wife enjoyed going to a movie once per week.  Your ticket price is $9.50 each, and you both slurp down a large, overpriced concession each time, at a cost of $4.50 each.  Your total cost to see that movie is $28.00, plus the ignored costs of time and gas to get to the movie.

So now you can ask yourself, “eight percent of what equals $28.00?”  The answer?  $350.00.  Eight percent of $350.00 is $28.00.  Since you go to the movies once per week, in order to be financially secure in this transaction, in other words, in order to see that movie “free of charge,” as your money works for you, you’d need to have a total of $18,200.00 invested in growth stock mutual funds averaging 12% over time.

It’s interesting to look at what you’re spending, then determine how much you’d need to have to cover that expense without working.  We will so often look at how much we have and then wonder what happened to it after it’s gone.  Start looking forward with your finances.  Considering that you’d need $18,200 in the bank to cover this one single activity may help you make some changes in how you spend.

My Daily Toolbox: Microsoft Outlook

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Quite honestly, this topic could go on for hours, or days, so I may be breaking it up into multiple articles, and as time progresses, I’m certain that a new tool will be discovered, or an old tool will be abandoned. The pursuit of cutting costs has become number one priority these days, and it shouldn’t be that way. What I mean, is that we always need to be cutting costs that weigh us down, on easy street, and on skid row.

Managing Contacts

Much of the corporate world uses some variation of Microsoft Outlook, whether the latest and greatest version, or an outdated version, to manage Contacts, Appointments, Tasks, and E-mail.  I recommend Microsoft Outlook as a basis by which you manage your contacts and communication to your contacts.  I’m speaking of the full blown Outlook, not Outlook Express, the kid sister to Outlook.  Outlook express comes with your computer free.

How to Get Outlook Free

A little known secret in the IT world is that you can get Outlook for free.  How?  Well, firstly I’ll explain one major condition that you must meet prior to choosing Outlook as your “Dayplanner.”

Outlook is a corporate level software application.  It’s a big deal.  It does all sorts of things that the average user is unable to take advantage of.  You see, Outlook was designed with bigger things in mind.  Outlook really shines when it is combined with Microsoft’s Enterprise Server product, Microsoft Exchange Server. Microsoft Exchange unlocks the most treasured features of Outlook and allows you to really collaborate with other team members.

What if I don’t have a team? That’s okay, because using Outlook all by yourself, in conjunction with Microsoft Exchange Server will save you thousands of dollars in the future.  You could consider Exchange Server to be your Outlook insurance policy.  You don’t have to have a team to take advantage of the features.

How much does it cost?  Well, if you operate your own server, which 99.99% of you will not be doing, you would need approximately $5000.00 worth of hardware and about $1600.00 worth of software, and a few years of IT experience.  Alas, there is a solution.  There are many companies out there that allow you to “rent” a mailbox that’s operating under Microsoft Exchange Server, allowing you all of the corporate, enterprise features for a single user, and all for around $10.00/month.  That’s cheap insurance.

Why is it a big deal?

Jennifer, anothe real estate agent, recently contacted me to talk about how she could better manage her e-mail and contacts.  “The problem with Outlook is that all of my e-mail is on my computer and I can’t get to it without my computer,” she complained, “and when I try to go online to my webmail, the inbox on webmail doesn’t match the inbox on my computer in Outlook.”

A hosted Exchange account will solve this problem.  Here’s how it works.  You setup your e-mail account with a hosted exchange server company, like Exchange My Mail.  They help you configure Outlook to connect to the server, and Outlook displays all of your data on your computer screen through the interface you’re already familiar with.  Everything including your e-mail, contacts, appointments, and tasks are stored on the server, not on your computer, so that means you could lose your computer, but you’d never lose your data.

When you have your e-mail hosted this way, there is only one copy of everything, which means you read your e-mail once, and it’s read.  There’s no more deleting mail from to places, no more scanning e-mail that you may have already read on one computer, but not on another, etc.  If you have a Windows based smartphone or an iPhone, you can also connect to Exchange and view the same information, live.  Delete an e-mail message in Outlook, and it’s gone on your phone too.  Change a contact name and phone number, add a contact, or delete an appointment, and voila!  Every device you use is instantaneously updated.  Don’t have your computer or phone on you?  No problem, just login to Outlook Web Access anywhere you can use a computer that’s connected to the internet.  All of your data is there, and it’s all in the same place you left it, in the same status you left it.

Managing contacts, appointments, tasks, and e-mail has been made seamless and extremely efficient, and secure, and safe.  I recommend considering this as your primary method of managing this part of your business, and one of the best parts about it is that whenever you use a hosted exchange company for your e-mail, you get a free copy of Microsoft Outlook with your account!  That alone will pay for the service for about a year or so.

Credit Scores Are For Losers

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Okay, so that’s a pretty bold statement, I’d say. It may be down right offensive to some, because of the time and effort that you may believe you need to put into making sure you have a high credit score.

But what is a credit score for, and what type of institution are you dealing with that bases your integrity and credit-worthiness on some sort of mythical imaginary manufactured number?

Lenders.

If you haven’t figured out by now, when you own someone money, you become their slave.  Proverbs 22:7 isn’t just a verse in the Bible.  If you’ve got any sense whatsoever, you’ll see it as a truth, whether you believe in God or not.

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

Does it have to be spelled out?  Debt is bad.  All debt is bad.  Debt represents a purchase of some sort that was made because there was no money to actually buy whatever it was.  Debt will enslave you.  Some of the world’s smartest and brightest people may try to pitch to you the idea that debt is a tool used to get ahead, but I can assure you, this makes no sense in any way, shape, or form.

In fact, it is the reason our economic awareness is where it is right now.  We are in the midst of turmoil in the economy due to DEBT!  If you have a better explanation, I’d love to hear it…so I can laugh, and point out that you’re wrong.  I apologize if I sound arrogant, but I am 36 years old, and debt has never been a source of prosperity in my life.  It has always brought me down, and most recently, it has also brought down a very large number of my friends whom I love dearly.

When Do You Need a Credit Score?

When do you need to borrow money?  That’s your answer.  If you haven’t figured out by now that saving for what you are intending to purchase is the best choice, then stop reading now and go somewhere else, because I no longer, nor will I ever camp on the side of those who believe that a credit score is important, and I will not borrow money anymore.

If I never borrow money, I’ll never need a credit score, right?  But what about buying a house?  What about it?  If you must buy a house, borrow as little as possible, and do it for the shortest period of time, and as Dave Ramsey continually preaches, don’t take on more than a 15 year fixed mortgage and don’t let your payment exceed 25% of your take-home pay.  But we won’t be able to get the house we want!  Sorry.  That’s right.  You won’t.  Start saving until you can.

The longer you go without borrowing money, the lower your credit score will fall.  Do you care?  If so, why?  Ask yourself these questions and consider how much freedom you may experience when you employ the behavioral disciplines that are required to persevere through your impatience towards a savings goal.

You will, I guarantee, come out ahead EVERY TIME when you save for what you want instead of depending on your credit score to get you into DEBT!  Debt SUCKS the life out of you.  It destroys your spirit and makes you feel trapped, but only as long as you continue to have a mindset of borrowing.  Change your ways and you’ll find that even though you’ve gotten yourself into a deep pit of shit, you’ll be on your way to digging yourself out.  Do not borrow any more money.

If you haven’t heard about or read Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness, I would recommend the best hydraulic rowing machine to you immediately.  The audio book is fantastic, and if you have iTunes, you can download it for half the price that Amazon charges for paperback, then stick it in your iPod and listen to it in your car or on your walks, rides, etc.

My life has been completely changed by these teachings and principles and I AM on the road to financial freedom.

For a Better, Or a Worse

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…part of my life, I have depended upon what other people think, about me, my actions, my talents, my surroundings, and the overall environment I live in.

Existing is a part of life that I can no more understand than the greatest of philosophers, if you should call a philosopher so great. Identity is something that has eluded me for too long, and not being able to put a name to the face has pushed me further and further towards an unbalanced life.

When we first began meeting as a group, prior to our first service, during New Valley’s conception, there was an evening where I was able to eloquently express who I am. If only I could remember the words I spoke that night. I’ll try to explain where I was then.

I am a romantic. I am an artist. I feel deeper than most feel but not without consequence. I speak as I think, but not without consequence. My identity has been defined by the reflection of me in those around me and my perception of their responses to me.  But not without consequence.

The result in me has become someone who has depended on others to define what I need to do in my life to be successful as a Man, a Friend, a Son, a Father, a Lover, and a child of God.  I am not yet a father, and only recently in life do I feel that I have qualified as a Man.  I have been a good Son, and I cannot claim that I have never loved, else I would not feel as I do.

There are people in life who do what they do because they thought it would be cool to do that.  There are people in life who do what they do because they don’t see any other way.  There are those who would find a passion and pursue it with all of their heart until they reach the pinnacle of their career, only to realize they have nothing.  Then there are those, like the previous, who find that passion, live with passion, and learn how to truly live.

I am as human as the next person, and I would assume that the possibly imperfect picture of people that I’ve painted is something you have also noticed in life.  I would not assume that you know that someone like myself faces all of these things as well, but with an added challenge of coping with a very real disorder.  Attention Deficit Disorder is something that I have, and it is something that I will live with for a better, or for a worse part of my life.  Knowing that there is a name to the face, I can pursue a solution, and choose for a better, and finally start listening to me, and trusting in Him.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse in the Bible that is widely known by many, and can be claimed by many as their favorite.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.