A Griffith Listing

Real Estate Services by Jon Griffith

In Response to my Sister’s 5 Topics

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My sister may need some counseling, as she has some of the strangest ideas.

I dream of Jeannie executives decided long ago that the general public wasn’t smart enough to realize that blinking actually doesn’t transcend the space-time continuum, yet they persisted in their endeavors and sold millions of dollars worth of advertising.  Strangely, none of the products advertised on the show had anything to do with NASA, even though most of our innovations come from dreamers that dream about science.  It was all magic, Sissy.  She really couldn’t blink men around.

I like your new blankets, but cameras are designed to increase their molecular charge over time, and thank God you didn’t take 7 pictures, as you would have been sucked into a vortex.

Never, ever think about Yoga, let alone a history of journaling about it.  It’s the hardest standing still that one will ever do, and you don’t go anywhere.  You don’t even look like you go anywhere, like on a treadmill.

I was hungry, but then your dog licked you in your mouth.  Imagine what he had just been licking.  Ew!  Not hungry anymore.

On the physics of drilling, to expound upon your idea, I’m not certain why we haven’t just build a tunnel straight through the core of the earth.  You could stand next to the edge and someone malicious could push you in, then when you get to the center, you’d just boing, boing, boing back and forth until you hovered right in the middle, with everyone else who fell in.

Before we send the inmates to the moon, let’s consider placing a 2 foot thick layer of glitter in the moon’s orbit, then before we release the inmates, we would spray them with 3M adhesive spray.  We could call them Moonaments.

Please clarify.  Is ‘chock’ English or Metric?

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

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There have been many times when I have been presented with this question, or have been in a situation where I have to ask the question of myself.  Is it really possible for men and women to be friends.  The simple answer is yes.  The problem is that we don’t live in a simple world, and inevitably, there is a possibility for it to cause complication.

In my experience, over 38 years of living, I have realized in my life that there is a basic desire to connect with someone emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and of course, physically.  Notice that I place physically at the end, as it is the least important, albeit very important.  None of these things are considered unimportant, but some are much more important to me than others.

As I have discovered, men who have not yet come to terms with their emotions, who have not yet learned how to process their emotions in a healthy way, tend more often than not to have trouble talking about those emotions with other men.  After all, if I have come to terms with how I feel, and I process my emotions in a healthy way, which can include very deep and intimate conversation between myself and another man, yet I am speaking to someone who has not learned these skills, it will be very difficult to expect that person to be able to offer any support.  Most men don’t learn that skill due to our culture.  It’s sad.  Some would say that emotionally, those men are still boys.  I would agree.  I was a boy once and I remember what it was like to be unable to process my emotions in a healthy manner.  Oh, and there is a healthy manner by which emotions can be processed.  Throwing something  through a wall, such as your fist, is not a healthy response to anger.  The evidence is in the destruction of something.  Processing emotions in a healthy manner should not involve destruction.

So, in a culture where more and more men are being raised without the skills to express emotions in a healthy way to each other, it only makes sense that they simply don’t do it.  As a result, male bonding appears on the surface to be unaccompanied by emotional connection, even though that emotional connection is a very real desire.

So what is a man who needs an emotional outlet to do when he has nobody to connect with?

Enter the male/female friendship.  Very much a reality, but with boundaries that are colored with eventual tension, simply because of our biology.  Not every man wants to have sex with every woman, and not every woman wants to feed off of the emotional connection they have with a man.  In fact, men, while we are wired to be more responsive to visual stimuli than audible stimuli, deeply desire an emotional connection, and since we have a hard time doing that with other men, it makes sense to turn to a woman.  Women are naturally better at processing emotions.  After all, women face a completely different world of emotional growth, being very open with one another about how they feel.  Guys, the ladies practice this stuff their entire lives.  They get it.

So is it healthy for a man and a woman to carry on a friendship one on one?  Simple answer?  Of course.  But there are certain relationship dynamics that enter into the equation that can turn that simple answer into a very complicated answer.

We’ve established that the core of the male/female friendship is built upon common interests that aid in the development of an emotional connection.  Why else would a man and a woman be friends?  Why else, for that matter, would anyone have a relationship but to develop an emotional bond with that person.  We’ve also established that many men aren’t particularly good at expressing themselves emotionally, but still desire that connection.  We also know that women enjoy a man who is open and willing to express his emotions about common topics.

So the next question I’ll pose is this.  In the context of a romantic relationship between two people, is carrying on a one-on-one relationship with someone of the opposite sex outside of that romantic relationship possible?  Yes.  Obviously.  Is it healthy?  It can be, but it can also be dangerous to the romantic relationship.  Whether or not it becomes toxic to the relationship depends on many variables.  For instance, is it a business relationship?  Is it a casual acquaintance?  Is the friend healthy?  And what are their motives?  Are both you and your significant other friends with this person, or is this an exclusive relationship?

In an open and honest and loving, trusting relationship, two people will share with each other everything that happens in their lives.  They won’t hold out on account of “protecting” their partner from information that could be potentially toxic to the very bond that has been created in the romantic relationship.  In fact, withholding could begin a long process of destructive patterns that will tear a long-developed fabric of trust.  When one person develops an emotional relationship outside of a romance with someone of the opposite sex, it’s highly likely that their partner is going to experience feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and betrayal.

It takes a very unique set of boundaries between 3 people, two of which are romantically involved, for that third person to be a part of the micro community without causing problems for the romance.  All 3 people need to be clear on each others boundaries and expectations.  A married man who meets with an unmarried or married woman outside of the home is likely to be at risk of developing an emotional bond with that woman that will damage his marriage, and potentially her marriage if she’s not single.  This is not rocket science.  It’s romance.

Exclusivity with someone of the opposite sex, in any way, shape or form, can be easily interpreted as potential romance.  If it’s not going to be romance, many times one of the two will know this, and the other will not, and someone gets hurt.  Male/Female friendships that have no potential for romance are more scarce than those that do, which makes this a very delicate topic that needs to be discussed in a very productive and healthy, respectful way.

If I am in a romantic relationship, I don’t believe it is appropriate for me to accept an invitation from a woman to meet one on one unless it is to serve a purpose outside of developing a personal bond with that woman.  I want my spouse to know what’s going on in my life.  I don’t want to keep secrets from her, and I want her to feel like she is a priority to me, second to God.  If I divert my focus, or give the appearance that my focus is diverted away from her, then I may run the risk of hurting her deeply.

In a mentoring situation, I don’t have a problem until it becomes a problem.  When it does become a problem, it’s time to put on the brakes, re-evaluate the purpose of the relationship, consider how it may affect the one you love, and make the right decision no matter how hard it would be.  Protect your home (meaning, your heart and your significant other’s heart) at all costs, from toxicity through the interaction between you and someone of the opposite sex.  Make sure you’re both on the same page, and discuss openly the way you feel without pointing your finger at the other, or playing the blame game.  These are not healthy ways to communicate.  When your partner expresses how he or she feels, let them feel.  Don’t assume you know why they feel the way they do.  After all, they are the one experiencing the emotion.  Don’t interrupt them and don’t presume to know what they’re thinking or feeling.  Learn to listen.  If they aren’t good at expressing their feelings in a healthy way, then it might be time to seek outside counsel to learn more productive ways to respond, or perhaps it’s time to recognize that the person with isn’t healthy at all.  If you discover this, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate yourself to determine why you would be attracted to them in the first place.

I don’t believe that Harry was right about relationships when he told Sally that all male/female friendships end up sexual.  I think it’s very likely that it could reach that point, but it doesn’t have to be that way.  If you want to have male friends, I don’t have a problem with it.  If you want to keep that friendship compartmentalized and not include me, I’m not okay with it, as I would expect from you the very respect that I give you.

To sum up my thoughts:

A friendship with the opposite sex can become the solvent to the glue that holds a romantic relationship together.  Be very careful with the heart of the one you love, and don’t let someone else drive a wedge between you and that person.

Have Sex…Just Wait Until It’s The Right Time

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That’s right. I said it. Have sex. Have lots of sex. Just wait until it’s the right time.

So what’s the right time? Well, that’s a tough question to answer, not because it’s difficult to express what some of us have already decided, but because of the faith system that has prompted us to decide that. But let’s put the God thing on hold for a second. Oh, and before I continue, I’ll mention that these thoughts were prompted by an article I read today at Modern Reject.  In the article, Nicole writes:

Women need sex to feel emotionally connected.  Men need sex to feel loved and desirable.

I agree with this completely.  Unfortunately, I already know that this is true, but let’s not re-live the past.  What’s done is done, and moving forward is the best thing that can happen.

So, if the statement above is true, that women need to feel emotionally connected, and having sex accomplishes that goal, and men accomplish the goal of feeling loved and desirable through sex, then there are a lot of people out there who are stealing a false sense of the very benefits that this wonderful gift we’ve been given is designed to provide before making the commitment to actually do the very things that their partner believes they are receiving.

Huh?  Right.  Okay, so what I mean by this is, if you, woman, are aware that men need sex to feel loved and desirable, and you choose to have sex with a man, yet you don’t love him, and you don’t truly desire him, then you’ve tipped your hand to the fact that you’re probably doing it for your own emotional benefit, not his.  Sex is something that should be given to someone else, not taken from someone else.  Okay guys, so sex feels good, but I’m certain that you’re looking to do more than “conquer the woman” and tell your buddies about it.  I’m certain that deep down inside, you truly do need to feel loved and desirable.  So, if you know, man, that having sex with a woman will make her feel emotionally connected to you, yet you have no desire to be emotionally connected, then you’ve tipped your hand to the fact that you’re more interested in feeling loved yourself than you are connecting with her.

This all works outside of the context of marriage, right?  Make no commitment to her and just live in denial that the sex that you’re having is coming from a place of love and desire on her part, and pretend to connect with her so she feels fulfilled.  It’s all backwards this way.

The argument for or against sex before marriage is old, but so is God.  Look, if you don’t believe in God, then you probably won’t agree with my assessment, which is ultimately this.  Don’t have sex with someone you aren’t prepared to go the long haul with.  Loving someone is a choice.  Feeling loved is part of the package.  If you aren’t prepared to take the good with the bad, then don’t steal what isn’t yours from that person.  By preparation, I’m speaking of marriage…

For me, that’s a God issue.  Since I believe in God, and that he created me, and he created everything, then he also created sex, and the benefits therein, and He probably knows what’s best.  So, when He advises us to wait until we’re married, it’s not because He’ll punish us for going against His best practice, it’s because He wants us to experience it to its fullest, fully prepared for the results, including human duplication, without being dragged through nasty consequences.  Broken hearts, single motherhood, abandoned children, sexually transmitted diseases, bitterness, bitterness, bitterness.

So, while Nicole over at Modern Reject suggests that you have sex even when you’re not in the mood for the health of the marriage, make sure that you’re prepared to do for that woman or man what sex is perceived by that man or woman to do (feeling loved, emotionally connected) for them by making that life long commitment.  Marry her dude.  Then get it in.

But I’ve Already Done It

So what?  Don’t look back, dust yourself off, and aim higher.  Stop doing it.  He or she will understand and respect you more if you express these things.  And, if he or she does not respect you more, and gets angry that you’d rather wait, then you’ve just found out how selfish this person’s behavior is.  And if you’ve gone down that path and already reaped the consequences of what you’ve sown, man up and take care of those responsibilities.  Don’t you want to be in a loving relationship where you’re thinking more about her than you are yourself?  Ladies, wouldn’t it be better to hold off on the fraudulent feeling of emotional connectedness for the sake of being truly connected to your spouse?

I don’t know about you, but as desperate to feel loved and desirable as I can feel sometimes, I’m certainly not going to receive genuine love from a woman who shares herself with everyone she dates, and I can’t be fooled into believing I will, and it’s just not worth it to compromise the one act that God gave us as a metaphor for the depth of the relationship that He wants with us.

Sex is the closest physical manifestation of a spiritual connection to God that we have.  It’s the closest that two human beings can be with each other, and if it’s tainted with the selfish desire of “getting from” than “giving to” then it can easily become something bigger to you than God…which it is not.

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Really? On Christmas Day?

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Yeah.  I’m blogging on Christmas day.

This year is unique.  For the first time that I can remember, I am alone, my dad is alone, and my uncle is alone.  We all live within miles of each other.  My Uncle isn’t married, but he has a few friends that he spends time with during the Holidays.  My dad is married, but for some strange reason Kate decided to go to Tahoe to ski instead of celebrate christmas, and I’m sitting here in my dark house writing.

Not what I pictured.

When I was a boy, Christmas was an amazing time.  I was an only child, and I certainly was spoiled by my parents.  Inevitably, every year they would tell me that I’m not getting anything big, and then something massive would come my way.  I don’t know if you can call that under-promising and over-delivering, but it was great, nonetheless.

Hungry Hungry Hippos, Capsela, Snap-together models, Testor chemicals, Hot Wheels Factory, Atari 2600, money, socks, batteries, books, cards, a computer!  Basically, every Christmas was indulgent and satisfying.  I had no competition, and I loved the entire day.  I didn’t have a staircase in my house, so there was no sneaking to the top of the staircase, most of the fireplaces that we had in Phoenix didn’t have a mantle, and were just stucco be-hive style, so the stockings, although hung, didn’t look “hollywoodized,” and it certainly didn’t snow.  Santa was believable for years, even though he’s typically over-dressed for this climate.  But I knew who the real Santas were the first time I saw a gift with “From: Santa” written on it before Santa had made his rounds!  Sneaky!

After the initial morning madness with me and my parents…ehem…Santas, my grandparents on my father’s side (Baca Baca and Grandaddy) along with uncle Steevo would show up.  By this time, in my mind, as a young boy, hours had already passed and I had already traveled the universe in my lego space-ship and invariably disassembled something and learned the schematics, then reassembled it and continued on.  In reality, it was only an hour or so.  Breakfast, this strange “adult” cake that they called “coffee cake” (I never understood that,) and additional gift opening would commence.

When the adults were done marveling at my ability to out-play everyone on Perfection, and had consumed enough of whatever they were consuming (must have been orange juice and 7Up, just like me, right?) they would giddy up and head out until next year.

That left me with the entire afternoon (again, time was relative) to play play play with my new stuff.  Most of what I received growing up required my creativity.  I didn’t have a lot of useless toys.  In fact, I had a lot of scientific stuff.  Things that I would have to build, or figure out.  It was perfect for me.

For dinner, we would cart everything over to my mom’s side of the family and do it all over again.  Opening gifts, playing the piano, eating, eating, eating.  Eventually the night would lead to me faking my own sleep so they’d have to carry me out.  I don’t know if I did that because I was lazy and didn’t want to walk, or if I just liked being carried by mom or dad.  Probably the latter ;).

The holidays used to be filled with family.  Now it’s just me.  Mom and Dad divorced something like 20 years ago and both re-married.  Suzanne (Gu Gu), Evelyn (Baca Baca) and Grandaddy are all gone now, and so is Su Su, my mom’s sister Susan.  Uncle Tom has been living in Santa Barbara for quite some time now, and the Merritt family has been in Oklahoma for eons.

I know that there are plenty of people with open homes on a day like today, and I love that.  But, even as warm and inviting as it may be, it’s just not the same.  In fact, sometimes it’s even harder when you’re invited somewhere that’s outside of the realm of what you envision as your own family tradition.  I’m getting older, and I feel behind almost everyone I know.  My entire circle of friends, save for a few, have either been married and have kids, or are married with kids, or are newly married.

Today, I was supposed to be spending time with someone I had been interested in.  That came to an abrupt end on the 22nd, and even though it’s probably the right direction, it still stinks.

So for now, and as long as I can see, Christmas is going to be tough.  This past year I’ve spent most of my energy getting out of debt, which meant sacrificing in so many areas that I had become accustomed to maintaining.  I still have a housing issue to deal with, but other than that, I owe no-one, which is a major accomplishment.

I have no idea what the future holds, but it’s got to be better than this.  I know, I know…I could come over to your house and spend time with you, and I appreciate the offer.  Today, I’ll be joining my Dad, as he is also alone this Christmas, and we’ll eat that damn California Pizza Kitchen frozen pizza, have our own effin’ bloody mary’s, and watch some foosball or something like that, even though I hate football.

I hope that your Christmas is what you envision it to be this year…one day mine will be again.