That’s right. I said it. Have sex. Have lots of sex. Just wait until it’s the right time.

So what’s the right time? Well, that’s a tough question to answer, not because it’s difficult to express what some of us have already decided, but because of the faith system that has prompted us to decide that. But let’s put the God thing on hold for a second. Oh, and before I continue, I’ll mention that these thoughts were prompted by an article I read today at Modern Reject.  In the article, Nicole writes:

Women need sex to feel emotionally connected.  Men need sex to feel loved and desirable.

I agree with this completely.  Unfortunately, I already know that this is true, but let’s not re-live the past.  What’s done is done, and moving forward is the best thing that can happen.

So, if the statement above is true, that women need to feel emotionally connected, and having sex accomplishes that goal, and men accomplish the goal of feeling loved and desirable through sex, then there are a lot of people out there who are stealing a false sense of the very benefits that this wonderful gift we’ve been given is designed to provide before making the commitment to actually do the very things that their partner believes they are receiving.

Huh?  Right.  Okay, so what I mean by this is, if you, woman, are aware that men need sex to feel loved and desirable, and you choose to have sex with a man, yet you don’t love him, and you don’t truly desire him, then you’ve tipped your hand to the fact that you’re probably doing it for your own emotional benefit, not his.  Sex is something that should be given to someone else, not taken from someone else.  Okay guys, so sex feels good, but I’m certain that you’re looking to do more than “conquer the woman” and tell your buddies about it.  I’m certain that deep down inside, you truly do need to feel loved and desirable.  So, if you know, man, that having sex with a woman will make her feel emotionally connected to you, yet you have no desire to be emotionally connected, then you’ve tipped your hand to the fact that you’re more interested in feeling loved yourself than you are connecting with her.

This all works outside of the context of marriage, right?  Make no commitment to her and just live in denial that the sex that you’re having is coming from a place of love and desire on her part, and pretend to connect with her so she feels fulfilled.  It’s all backwards this way.

The argument for or against sex before marriage is old, but so is God.  Look, if you don’t believe in God, then you probably won’t agree with my assessment, which is ultimately this.  Don’t have sex with someone you aren’t prepared to go the long haul with.  Loving someone is a choice.  Feeling loved is part of the package.  If you aren’t prepared to take the good with the bad, then don’t steal what isn’t yours from that person.  By preparation, I’m speaking of marriage…

For me, that’s a God issue.  Since I believe in God, and that he created me, and he created everything, then he also created sex, and the benefits therein, and He probably knows what’s best.  So, when He advises us to wait until we’re married, it’s not because He’ll punish us for going against His best practice, it’s because He wants us to experience it to its fullest, fully prepared for the results, including human duplication, without being dragged through nasty consequences.  Broken hearts, single motherhood, abandoned children, sexually transmitted diseases, bitterness, bitterness, bitterness.

So, while Nicole over at Modern Reject suggests that you have sex even when you’re not in the mood for the health of the marriage, make sure that you’re prepared to do for that woman or man what sex is perceived by that man or woman to do (feeling loved, emotionally connected) for them by making that life long commitment.  Marry her dude.  Then get it in.

But I’ve Already Done It

So what?  Don’t look back, dust yourself off, and aim higher.  Stop doing it.  He or she will understand and respect you more if you express these things.  And, if he or she does not respect you more, and gets angry that you’d rather wait, then you’ve just found out how selfish this person’s behavior is.  And if you’ve gone down that path and already reaped the consequences of what you’ve sown, man up and take care of those responsibilities.  Don’t you want to be in a loving relationship where you’re thinking more about her than you are yourself?  Ladies, wouldn’t it be better to hold off on the fraudulent feeling of emotional connectedness for the sake of being truly connected to your spouse?

I don’t know about you, but as desperate to feel loved and desirable as I can feel sometimes, I’m certainly not going to receive genuine love from a woman who shares herself with everyone she dates, and I can’t be fooled into believing I will, and it’s just not worth it to compromise the one act that God gave us as a metaphor for the depth of the relationship that He wants with us.

Sex is the closest physical manifestation of a spiritual connection to God that we have.  It’s the closest that two human beings can be with each other, and if it’s tainted with the selfish desire of “getting from” than “giving to” then it can easily become something bigger to you than God…which it is not.

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