women

She’s Not a Man!

July 20, 2012 by admin

I met someone online. Yes, Plenty of Fish (www.pof.com.) Until today, I hadn’t heard her voice, but that just changed…and was cut short by a battery…on her end. HA!

It was some time ago that she gave me her phone number and alluded to the fact that I was welcome to text her any time. I was involved in other things that was preventing me from doing so, but that didn’t pan out, and I’m not the type of guy who will date multiple people at the same time. Too much truth-bending required. I don’t do lies well unless I’m at the poker table.

We have been texting back and forth for days now and I’m eager to meet her, but she’s been out of town on business. Thankfully, I’m a patient guy, and as much as I’m ready to meet my match, I’m not in a hurry to smear my heart all over the city.

While discussing former relationships, the one thought on my mind was, “why aren’t we just talking on the phone?” When she asked me for more details about my short “engagement” I queried:

“you aren’t a creeper guy posing as a cute girl, are you?”

I waited, considered calling her, was about to press the call button, and her incoming call beat me to the punch.

She’s a female. And she sounds as cute as she looks…and she laughs when I say stupid things.

Note: Just received a text that said, “Sorry phone just had a stroke.”

Can Men and Women Be Friends?

December 31, 2011 by admin

There have been many times when I have been presented with this question, or have been in a situation where I have to ask the question of myself. Is it really possible for men and women to be friends. The simple answer is yes. The problem is that we don’t live in a simple world, and inevitably, there is a possibility for it to cause complication.

In my experience, over 38 years of living, I have realized in my life that there is a basic desire to connect with someone emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and of course, physically. Notice that I place physically at the end, as it is the least important, albeit very important. None of these things are considered unimportant, but some are much more important to me than others.

As I have discovered, men who have not yet come to terms with their emotions, who have not yet learned how to process their emotions in a healthy way, tend more often than not to have trouble talking about those emotions with other men. After all, if I have come to terms with how I feel, and I process my emotions in a healthy way, which can include very deep and intimate conversation between myself and another man, yet I am speaking to someone who has not learned these skills, it will be very difficult to expect that person to be able to offer any support. Most men don’t learn that skill due to our culture. It’s sad. Some would say that emotionally, those men are still boys. I would agree. I was a boy once and I remember what it was like to be unable to process my emotions in a healthy manner. Oh, and there is a healthy manner by which emotions can be processed. Throwing something through a wall, such as your fist, is not a healthy response to anger. The evidence is in the destruction of something. Processing emotions in a healthy manner should not involve destruction.

So, in a culture where more and more men are being raised without the skills to express emotions in a healthy way to each other, it only makes sense that they simply don’t do it. As a result, male bonding appears on the surface to be unaccompanied by emotional connection, even though that emotional connection is a very real desire.

So what is a man who needs an emotional outlet to do when he has nobody to connect with?

Enter the male/female friendship. Very much a reality, but with boundaries that are colored with eventual tension, simply because of our biology. Not every man wants to have sex with every woman, and not every woman wants to feed off of the emotional connection they have with a man. In fact, men, while we are wired to be more responsive to visual stimuli than audible stimuli, deeply desire an emotional connection, and since we have a hard time doing that with other men, it makes sense to turn to a woman. Women are naturally better at processing emotions. After all, women face a completely different world of emotional growth, being very open with one another about how they feel. Guys, the ladies practice this stuff their entire lives. They get it.

So is it healthy for a man and a woman to carry on a friendship one on one? Simple answer? Of course. But there are certain relationship dynamics that enter into the equation that can turn that simple answer into a very complicated answer.

We’ve established that the core of the male/female friendship is built upon common interests that aid in the development of an emotional connection. Why else would a man and a woman be friends? Why else, for that matter, would anyone have a relationship but to develop an emotional bond with that person. We’ve also established that many men aren’t particularly good at expressing themselves emotionally, but still desire that connection. We also know that women enjoy a man who is open and willing to express his emotions about common topics.

So the next question I’ll pose is this. In the context of a romantic relationship between two people, is carrying on a one-on-one relationship with someone of the opposite sex outside of that romantic relationship possible? Yes. Obviously. Is it healthy? It can be, but it can also be dangerous to the romantic relationship. Whether or not it becomes toxic to the relationship depends on many variables. For instance, is it a business relationship? Is it a casual acquaintance? Is the friend healthy? And what are their motives? Are both you and your significant other friends with this person, or is this an exclusive relationship?

In an open and honest and loving, trusting relationship, two people will share with each other everything that happens in their lives. They won’t hold out on account of “protecting” their partner from information that could be potentially toxic to the very bond that has been created in the romantic relationship. In fact, withholding could begin a long process of destructive patterns that will tear a long-developed fabric of trust. When one person develops an emotional relationship outside of a romance with someone of the opposite sex, it’s highly likely that their partner is going to experience feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and betrayal.

It takes a very unique set of boundaries between 3 people, two of which are romantically involved, for that third person to be a part of the micro community without causing problems for the romance. All 3 people need to be clear on each others boundaries and expectations. A married man who meets with an unmarried or married woman outside of the home is likely to be at risk of developing an emotional bond with that woman that will damage his marriage, and potentially her marriage if she’s not single. This is not rocket science. It’s romance.

Exclusivity with someone of the opposite sex, in any way, shape or form, can be easily interpreted as potential romance. If it’s not going to be romance, many times one of the two will know this, and the other will not, and someone gets hurt. Male/Female friendships that have no potential for romance are more scarce than those that do, which makes this a very delicate topic that needs to be discussed in a very productive and healthy, respectful way.

If I am in a romantic relationship, I don’t believe it is appropriate for me to accept an invitation from a woman to meet one on one unless it is to serve a purpose outside of developing a personal bond with that woman. I want my spouse to know what’s going on in my life. I don’t want to keep secrets from her, and I want her to feel like she is a priority to me, second to God. If I divert my focus, or give the appearance that my focus is diverted away from her, then I may run the risk of hurting her deeply.

In a mentoring situation, I don’t have a problem until it becomes a problem. When it does become a problem, it’s time to put on the brakes, re-evaluate the purpose of the relationship, consider how it may affect the one you love, and make the right decision no matter how hard it would be. Protect your home (meaning, your heart and your significant other’s heart) at all costs, from toxicity through the interaction between you and someone of the opposite sex. Make sure you’re both on the same page, and discuss openly the way you feel without pointing your finger at the other, or playing the blame game. These are not healthy ways to communicate. When your partner expresses how he or she feels, let them feel. Don’t assume you know why they feel the way they do. After all, they are the one experiencing the emotion. Don’t interrupt them and don’t presume to know what they’re thinking or feeling. Learn to listen. If they aren’t good at expressing their feelings in a healthy way, then it might be time to seek outside counsel to learn more productive ways to respond, or perhaps it’s time to recognize that the person with isn’t healthy at all. If you discover this, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate yourself to determine why you would be attracted to them in the first place.

I don’t believe that Harry was right about relationships when he told Sally that all male/female friendships end up sexual. I think it’s very likely that it could reach that point, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you want to have male friends, I don’t have a problem with it. If you want to keep that friendship compartmentalized and not include me, I’m not okay with it, as I would expect from you the very respect that I give you.

To sum up my thoughts:

A friendship with the opposite sex can become the solvent to the glue that holds a romantic relationship together. Be very careful with the heart of the one you love, and don’t let someone else drive a wedge between you and that person.

For Those Who Don’t Know About History

November 27, 2008 by admin

The following was sent in an email from an unknown author. If you know the author of this post, please let me know so I can site this entry properly

For those who don’t know about history … here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiti ng for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.&n bsp;

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history:

It should be note d that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self…

Women who love abusive men…

September 4, 2005 by admin

I recently met a young woman to whom I have made a rather comfortably friendly connection. It is the very first stage of a relationship. It is the point at which, in the past, I would have not thought about in depth. Rather, I would have blindly pursued it not caring what I was getting myself into. I have surpassed the point of making small talk and have taken the next step to attempt to get to know her better. I have “stepped up to the plate,” as they say.

I always want to make sure that a woman feels safe when I communicate with her. Sometimes I fail, but I think I’m doing the right thing here.

It’s quite amazing what one can pickup by reading the reaction to a simple invitation for casual conversation and a meal or a drink. In the short 60 seconds that it took me to maneuver the topic from business to pleasure, I was able to determine that she is in an abusive relationship with a jackass of a guy. How do I know. She basically told me. She didn’t say, “hey, there might be a problem with me and you having a drink together cause I’m in an abusive relationship and I can’t get out.” What she did say is that “my boyfriend doesn’t like to go out much, so I don’t think I can go.” Then she said, “he doesn’t like me hanging out with my friends. Friends are a problem for him.” And then she said, “but he’s going out of town for a week,” and her eyes lit up, and she got all excited, then proclaimed, “so I’ll be free, finally.”

Ugh. I hate this. This is probably the one intolerable condition that women end up in as a result of a man’s abusive nature. I want nothing more than to show the world of women who fall into this that there are real men in the world. Why do I hate this condition? Because I used to be one of those guys. What type of guy am I talking about? Here are some testimonies of people who have written about what they think abusive men are:

Abusive men always think there is a motive behind a womans actions and her words .They see her as only trying to maniupulate.. They never see goodness in them.. They distrust and are irriated by them.. They might feel they love these women but they don’t like them.. The most important thing in any realtionship is to be liked and respected. Even when the women are in a good mood it irritates them.. They want to show her up, put her down. make her feel inferior in evrything.. Then when they have her upset it makes them angry that she’s weak.. Yet the object is to tear her down.. It’s a double edged sword..a no win situation.. The woman spends years trying to prove she’s not bad.. But it’s futile.. He either knows it and doesn’t care or doesn’t and she’ll never prove it anyway.

They train women to ‘think’ for them, making them submissive and without any identity. She is expected to anticipate his every desire or expectation and to make his existence the focus of her life. They are treated as sex slaves, (taking away her femininity), only to leave her feeling besmirched and ridiculed. The motive behind all this,is to make him feel powerful. He lacks the integrity and dignity to be a real man.

I hate that beautiful women have been seduced into believing that they are responsible for the failures of the men in their lives. This woman that I have met is very attractive, and she appears to be extremely sweet, and probably a whole lot of fun to be around. I hope I have the opportunity to display as close to what man should be as I can to her, if simply for the sake of passing on a good example, whatever comes of it. My deepest desire is to know that she is a Christian and that she is worth more than she knows.

Perhaps I will have an opportunity to connect her with one of the ladies at NVC.

Anyway, I’m not going to give up. I will have that drink with her.