I recently met a young woman to whom I have made a rather comfortably friendly connection. It is the very first stage of a relationship. It is the point at which, in the past, I would have not thought about in depth. Rather, I would have blindly pursued it not caring what I was getting myself into. I have surpassed the point of making small talk and have taken the next step to attempt to get to know her better. I have “stepped up to the plate,” as they say.
I always want to make sure that a woman feels safe when I communicate with her. Sometimes I fail, but I think I’m doing the right thing here.
It’s quite amazing what one can pickup by reading the reaction to a simple invitation for casual conversation and a meal or a drink. In the short 60 seconds that it took me to maneuver the topic from business to pleasure, I was able to determine that she is in an abusive relationship with a jackass of a guy. How do I know. She basically told me. She didn’t say, “hey, there might be a problem with me and you having a drink together cause I’m in an abusive relationship and I can’t get out.” What she did say is that “my boyfriend doesn’t like to go out much, so I don’t think I can go.” Then she said, “he doesn’t like me hanging out with my friends. Friends are a problem for him.” And then she said, “but he’s going out of town for a week,” and her eyes lit up, and she got all excited, then proclaimed, “so I’ll be free, finally.”
Ugh. I hate this. This is probably the one intolerable condition that women end up in as a result of a man’s abusive nature. I want nothing more than to show the world of women who fall into this that there are real men in the world. Why do I hate this condition? Because I used to be one of those guys. What type of guy am I talking about? Here are some testimonies of people who have written about what they think abusive men are:
Abusive men always think there is a motive behind a womans actions and her words .They see her as only trying to maniupulate.. They never see goodness in them.. They distrust and are irriated by them.. They might feel they love these women but they don’t like them.. The most important thing in any realtionship is to be liked and respected. Even when the women are in a good mood it irritates them.. They want to show her up, put her down. make her feel inferior in evrything.. Then when they have her upset it makes them angry that she’s weak.. Yet the object is to tear her down.. It’s a double edged sword..a no win situation.. The woman spends years trying to prove she’s not bad.. But it’s futile.. He either knows it and doesn’t care or doesn’t and she’ll never prove it anyway.
They train women to ‘think’ for them, making them submissive and without any identity. She is expected to anticipate his every desire or expectation and to make his existence the focus of her life. They are treated as sex slaves, (taking away her femininity), only to leave her feeling besmirched and ridiculed. The motive behind all this,is to make him feel powerful. He lacks the integrity and dignity to be a real man.
I hate that beautiful women have been seduced into believing that they are responsible for the failures of the men in their lives. This woman that I have met is very attractive, and she appears to be extremely sweet, and probably a whole lot of fun to be around. I hope I have the opportunity to display as close to what man should be as I can to her, if simply for the sake of passing on a good example, whatever comes of it. My deepest desire is to know that she is a Christian and that she is worth more than she knows.
Perhaps I will have an opportunity to connect her with one of the ladies at NVC.
Anyway, I’m not going to give up. I will have that drink with her.